How to Deal with Hugo Chavez, By Pat Robertson, Age Six

Wipe a booger on him.

Flick him behind the ear.

Make fun of his bookbag.

Call it a bookbag.

Kick him in the nuts.

Accuse him of liking girls.

Bend his baseball cards.

Give him Indian Rope Burn.

Steal the straw to his Capri Sun.

Ask him if he knows what’s a “Hertz Donut”.

Punch him and say, “Hurts, Don’t it?”

Tap him on the back over and over again.

Hock a loogee into his thermos.

Fart on him, silent but deadly.

Fart on him, loud and in charge.

Intentionally forget to invite him to Chuck E. Cheese’s for your birthday.

Take him out. In dodgeball.